Bite The Hand That Drew You
by UnoriginalPrankster
Summary: Homura and co. have enough of a certain someone screwing them over. Time for some (long overdue) payback.


Characters are property of Gen Urobochi et al. Which is a shame.

* * *

"It's brilliant, just brilliant!" Gen Urobochi beamed as he regarded his latest masterpiece of sadism. It involved despair and pain beyond anything he'd written before, nobody got a happy ending, it was entirely to cater to his addiction for making people, including the reader, suffer. The studio he occupied was covered in macabre posters of eldritch abominations doing questionable things to pretty young women, and crowds of people being crushed under a giant disembodied foot, like something out of a bad Monty Python sketch. His smile only broadened the longer he looked at it. Magic, just pure absolute magic.

His self aggrandising, however, was cut short by the door to his studio been blown apart, along with the opposite wall. He turned to check out which psycho fan in particular was trying to kill him this week. Would it be Hideo, and his government conspiracy buddies? Or Masashi; who knew what fantastic ending he'd come up with this time? Maybe it was that stupid bastard Shinbo wanting to run another brilliant idea by him. _No thanks, not today you idiot; I've got plenty._

What greeted him was not what he expected. A girl with long dark hair, dressed in white and grey and carrying a RPG-7. A pinkette with a lot of frills and petticoats and a bow and arrow. A blunette carrying two cutlasses. A blonde with drill pigtails and two muskets, and a redhead with a spear. They all looked ready to kill him.

"Can I help you? The cosplay festival's over there." That was a lie, but what the hell; he lived to troll people.

"Why?" The black haired one spoke, "Why do you feel the need to hurt all your characters like this? What do you gain? Does it make you happy? Does it make your fans happy? D..."

"Coz I'm a bastard, lots of money, yes, no. I think that's all your questions answered. Goodbye."

"Indeed, goodbye." Twindrills proceeded to blow his kneecaps out with her muskets, followed by redhead and blunette skewering him though the abdomen. As he hit the ground, the pinkette pinned his limbs to the floor with a salvo of arrows. Her expression was the most hate filled of all of them. After being stamped on for a good minute, Gen then found him self being strung up by his neck by the redhead's now segmented spear. As a finale the black haired one pulled out a shotgun and jammed it in his mouth with as much force as she could muster.

"I suppose you'd like to know our names before we kill you?"

"Ot Eely" he gagged through a mouthful of gun.

"Tough, you get them anyway"

"Kyoko Sakura", the redhead.

"Sayaka Miki", the blunette.

"Mami Tomoe", the blonde.

"Madoka Kaname", the pinkette.

"Homura Akemi", the one with the guns.

"Orgoten awedy"

"Pfft, too bad" and Homura pulled the trigger, splattering the office with brains.

Homura gave a creepy smile, "Aah. That felt good."

Their goodfeeling was short lived. No sooner had Gen's gore settled, then another Gen Urobochi appeared to devour the first. He looked up from his meal, with a depressingly familiar smile in his oh-so-punchable face, "Hello, Akemi" It even had the same ear grating high pitched squeaky voice.

"That explains everything", Mami spoke up, removing her hat to pull out her tea set, "Tell me, Incubator, how long how been pulling this particular scam?"

Genbey flicked a his ear with his foot, looking quite ungainly in doing so. "Oh, I think Pride and Prejudice was the start."

"Huh? That doesn't make a whole lot if sense, Nermal." Sayaka chipped in.

"Of course it doesn't make any sense. Bunnycat's being a dick." Kyoko replied.

"I'm afraid you've lost me. What's a Nermal? " Genbey asked.

"Cartoon character. Small. Cat-like. Boring colour. Really annoying. Feel free to add to the list anytime you like."

"How about 'Dead meat'?" Madoka dived in and proceeded to throttle Genbey. He didn't resist. No sooner had that one kicked the bucket, then Genbey 2.0 showed up, on cue, to replace him, only for Mami to sever its head from its shoulder with a musket shot. Predictably, Genbey 3.0 appeared on cue, "See? You can't possibly win. Being Meguca is suffering. Get used to it."

The pinkette screamed, "That's Magica! Why put me through all this. What have I ever done to you?" She was almost in tears.

"Madoka, Magica, Meguca, Megas, whatever your name is I really don't care. Basically, because it's my story, and I can do what I want; The world's crap. You can't change that. Get used to it. Profit. The End."

Sayaka rolled her eyes, "You can't even get the name of your own series right, emo!."

"Yeah, I've read-slash-seen some of your other work. It's getting kind of samey and predictable now. Try something different for a change, and who knows maybe people won't hate you. Or at least not as many." Kyoko chipped in. As if it were a cue, Saber jumped in through the window and ran him through with Excalibur, followed by a storm of blades from above. She high fived Kyoko as she left. Through the wreckage of the ceiling, Gilgamesh could be seen smirking.

With a pop another Genbey appeared, "Why are you here? I gave you a decent ending." Genbey tried to sound offended.

"I know! And I'm still going to kick you in the spleen, filth!"

Genbey sighed, "Anyway, how can I be an emo? I don't know what emotions are, remember?"

"Really? That interview you gave a while back would seem to imply otherwise." Homura was nonchalantly twirling her handgun.

"Which?"

"You really want me to start naming examples? We'd be here all week." Homura said

Madoka continued to rail at him, "If no one's willing to try, nothing ever changes. Happy endings do happen, and not double edged sword things you insist on coming up with."

Mami finished her tea, "Else we end up with..well...more people like you."

"I know. Brilliant isn't it?" Genbey sounded so smug right now, in spite of the rather hilarious gaping hole in his belly, "Everyone thinks Darker And Edgier is so cool that it saturates the airwaves, the internet, hell everything! Everyone will be an emo in no time! MWAHAHAHA!" Genbey was really off his trolley now; hell he just fell over sideways, he was laughing so hard.

"Neeeeeiiiiiiin! I vill teach you for making me contract! I vill make der schwein Fegelein pay. I vill make you ALL PAY!" A short guy a very distinctive moustache staggered into the room and started hip firing with an MP40. Suprisingly, it worked, and another Genbey lay splattered. Five more appeared.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here Hitler? Get back to Berlin!" One of the Genbeys piped up before getting splstted.

"ADOLF HITLER!?" This was getting more ridiculous by the second. It was almost witch barrier esque.

"Zat little shit tricked me! Mein soul gem iz zer corrupt. It's his fault! Him and Fegelein! Fegelein! Fegelein!"

"I didn't even realise it was possible to contract boys, let alone pathetic old men. Well, you learn something new everyday." Sayaka added as she beheaded another. Madoka shot Hitler in the head before he could leave. Genbey used the opportunity to make a break for it.

Homura grabbed her shield, "Oh no you don't! ZA WAAAAAAAAAARUDO!" Another two fell.

_Sadly, I don't have a battleship to hand, so no WRYYYYYYYYYYYY this time. _Much to Homra's annoyance, the sound of a celesta playing _The Nutcracker_ filled the air; Nagisa had chosen a real fine moment to show up.

"This conversation is pointless. We are at an impasse." The last one blandly said. Nagisa beheaded it with a bubble cannonball from her trumpet. Another three showed up.

"I've heard enough. Have you heard enough?" Homura asked the others. They all nodded.

"Then lock and load!"

* * *

What followed was about 20 minutes of skewered and splattered incubators. Until they all got bored and stopped.

"What now?" Kyoko asked nonchalantly as another 10 Genbeys showed up.

"I call in a favour from an old friend.' Homura started fiddling with her shield. "For now just keep killing the things."

It took another minute to track down her contact. "Space time co-ordinates confirmed. Repealing time lock. Code: Nightmare Child."

The sound of keys dragged along piano wire filled the room as a...thing unfaded into view. Imagine, if you will, a pepperpot. With knobs on the lower half, a stick plunger and egg whisk on the front, and a single stalk eye and flashing lights on the head.

And an eardrum destroyingly loud voice, "**GREETINGS, HOMURA-CHAN!**"

"Greetings, Sec-san" she turned to the other magi as she introduced her acquaintance, "Dalek Sec. Destroyer of worlds, Omnicidal Maniac, all round complete bastard...and an old friend."

"Err..nice to meet you, Dalek Sec" Mami managed.

"**GREETINGS, MAMI-CHAN! MADOKA-CHAN! SAYAKA-CHAN! KYOKO-CHAN!**"

"Have we met?" Kyoko spoke up, not appreciating the 'chan' part

"**YOU HAVE NOT MET ME, BUT I HAVE MET YOU!**"

Sayaka looked at Homura, "More time travel hijinks?"

"In a word, yes. Now will you let me work? I'm nearly done."

In contrast to the girls going at it with gusto, Sec just stood there and provided commentary, "**PERSISTENT LITTLE SHITS, I'LL GIVE THEM THAT! AND THAT ONE'S A HOME RUN! OWWW! SORRY, WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID HOMURA-CHAN?! OH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE SAYAKA-CHAN! YOU'VE DEFINITELY IMPROVED. YOU ALMOST LOOK LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW!**" Sayaka grinned impishly at the backhanded compliment. "**YOU DON'T KNOW THE ADIPOSE, DO YOU!? I'VE SEEN LESS PLASTIC FACES ON AN AUTON! NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL 'PEST CONTROL'!**"

Another minute, Homura had finished with what she was doing. She walked up to Sec "Finish them."

"**WITH PLEASURE! MAXIMUM EXTERMINATION PROTOCOLS ENGAGED!**" The sound of a jet engine spooling up filled the room, "**AUTOMATIC FIRE ENABLED!**" A warning klaxon followed, "**ENGAGING TEMPORAL SHIFT!**" He faded in the same fashion as he arrived.

"Phew, now we have the night off." Homura said cheerily.

"Why? What about the incubators?" Madoka sounded confused. Homura walked with purpose towards her, grabbed her by the waist, and kissed her full on the lips. It wasn't long before Madoka returned the kiss. "We let Sec-san deal with them. Right now, I have something," she narrowed her eyes, "or someone I'd rather be doing. Don't you?" She gave Madoka's rear a little squeeze, and Madoka giggled, blushing, "Are you going to 'corrupt' me?"

"'Going to'? I already have."

Seeing where this was going, Sayaka and Kyoko had started getting frisky too. Mami just sighed; despite the girls living in a 'menage-a-cinq', if you didn't count the 'not living together' part, she had gotten used to being the spare girl when it came to tonsil hockey. "Hey Mami-nee! Can we go home now? I'm hungry. Can we have cheese again?"

Miami sighed, "How about cheesecake? I think you ate enough cheese from that platter at the restaurant yesterday."

"Yay!" Mami was thankful for any excuse to leave this love-in, and her little sister figure had provided one, so Mami made her excuses and took Nagisa home for her tea. The mood ruined, the others followed suit

* * *

Meanwhile..

At the nexus of their operations, the Incubator collective was struggling to process what had just happened. One of the humans had just allowed an unknown quantity into the equation. This could set them back years.

Their collective monologue, however, was interrupted by the arrival of said unknown in their midst.

"Identify yourself" one spoke up.

"**THE MAILMAN! WITH AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM HOMURA AKEMI.**"

"Then relay your message and begone from here."

"**VERY WELL! THE MESSAGE IS THIS!**" He cleared his throat, for dramatic effect, "**EXTEERMINAAAAAAAAAAATE!**"

Thus was the end of the Incubators. and as Sec had already developed a better way of doing things, nothing bad happened. Which was quite ironic, when you think about it.

* * *

Dalek Sec is the property of the BBC, with the story 'A Hero' by Bioweapon 155 being responsible for the cameo idea. Saber and Gilgamesh are Type-Moon's property. Guest starring Adolf Hitler as himself.

And if you do see Gen in the street, you have my permission to kick the miserable sod up the arse.


End file.
